I'm tired of war
I'm tired of peace
I'm tired of hypocrisy
I'm tired of clarity
I'm tired of fear
I'm tired of courage
I'm tired of doubt
I'm tired of hope
I'm tired of narcissism
I'm tired of selflessness
I'm tired of lies
I'm tired of truth
I'm tired of hate
I'm tired of love
I'm tired of poverty
I'm tired of wealth
I'm tired of evil
I'm tired of good
I'm tired of ignorance
I'm tired of enlightenment
I'm tired of extremitiy
I'm tired of balance

I'm tired of not being able to say what I feel all in the name of "respect." I'm tired of people who preach free speech only to turn around and stop you from saying what you want to say because it's "rude." I'm tired of people who preach nothing but personal responsibility as if the person doing the damage has no responsibility for the damage they have done. I'm tired of people who preach the opposite and expect the government to do everything for them and protect them from everything. I'm tired of liberals and I'm tired of conservatives. I'm tired of greens and libertarians and independents and communists and anarchists and fascists. I'm tired of fundamentalists, be they Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Jewish, Hindu, or atheist. I'm tired of overly macho straight men and flamboyant gay men/women. I'm tired of preps and goths. I'm tired of trying to impress people. I'm tired of expectation. I'm so FUCKING tired of it all. I'm tired of being angry at stupidity and hypocrisy. I'm tired of pitying the disadvantaged. I'm tired of hating the super wealthy. I'm tired of having my hopes lifted only to be broken. I'm tired of my heart breaking.

The world is one big hypocrisy, the only peace, the only thing that makes sense, the only thing that won't make you rip your hair out is fantasy. The hope that there's something better out there, that eventually all of the confusion, all of the conflict will at some point end. This is the fantasy, this is the thing we all delude ourselves with. Whether you believe it can be found in the afterlife or some future generation of the world, we all believe in this fantasy. We believe it to deal with our own mortality, to believe that our life is not a waste, to believe that we are nothing more than a passing fart on the threads of time. We have very little time and we spend most of it making other people miserable to help alleviate our own pains of knowing that one day we will be dead and that's it.

My uncle likes pointing out a little seemingly contradictory part in the Bible to make Christians spin their wheels. He says "What does God say to Eve about the tree of knowledge? He says not to eat from it or she will surely die. Now what does Satan/the serpent say? He says she will gain the knowledge of good and evil and become more like God. Eve didn't die did she, so who told the truth?" My uncle says this is a contradiction, and at first you'd think so but now I don't agree, I think both God and Satan are right. We did gain the knowledge of good and evil, and this knowledge has killed us. Not physically but spiritually, it has poisoned our souls, it has made us hollow shells of vileness. You either ignore it living in the fantasy of there being something better out there or you deal with it head on and let it drive you insane, either way your soul is dead. Fucked if you do, fucked if you don't.

This is the curse that our deities and nature have bestowed on us, as well as our gift. We are able to see the beauty of the mundane, we are able to appreciate it now more fully because of our short lives, but we choose not to. We choose not to love and to be rational, we choose to fight, to always struggle, to keep our fantasy of the "perfect world" instead of enjoying the world we live in now.

I'm tired of fantasy, it only brings about destruction.

It's not uncommon for me to hear from others "You need to be more respectful," and usually I can't see where I've been disrespectful and it's dawned on me why that is. People don't know what the fuck "respect" is. So what exactly is respect? Well the best way to explain it is with the ugly baby analogy, that being if a friend of your's has an ugly baby you don't go "Damn, that's one fuckin' ugly baby," instead you bite your tongue, nod, and smile when your friend's speaking baby talk repeating how "kewwwwwt" the kid is with the occassional "yeah" thrown in for good measure. That's respect because it's something they can't control and saying their kid's ugly serves no other purpose but to hurt their feelings. This isn't how most people think of or use respect though. In reality most people use respect as a form of control, especially when you say something about their behavior which they take offense to. If someone's being a hypocrite and you say as much that's not disrespect, that's called criticism. If someone's lying and you say as much, that's not disrespect, again it's criticism.

Too often people use respect as a means to shield themselves from criticism. Look at Bush and his cronies, whenever there's some negative report against them they come out swinging claiming how disrespectful and tasteless the report is. This same behavior can be found in the left too, Democratic Underground has become infamous for banning anyone who doesn't agree with them completely and justifying it as banning "disrespectful members" or "trolls." Same too for a number of other liberal forums as well as conservative forums (I've been banned from Sean Hannity's forums for simply disagreeing). So why do people do this? It's to continually justify beliefs and behavior which those who disagree with them would conflict with continually. It's about power and living in a fantasy world where you're always right and you have your little squad who comes in and backs you up whenever some n00b with a difference of opinion puts you in your place. If you can't beat the n00b down, well you can just ban him.

The funny thing is that when you get these people in a corner who start demanding respect (rather your loyalty not to criticize them) they are the first to start throwing around childish name calling, or, my favorite, they start claiming that you're immature. Again they say these things because they know most people will clam up because god forbid they look immature and disrespectful, that would be a travesty, especially if they're an egotistical morally elitist liberal. People like me on the other hand don't give a fuck. Yeah ok according to you I'm disrespectul and immature, great, that still doesn't mean you're not a hypocrite, a liar, and an idiot to boot. But hey guess what, instead of getting pissed off at someone's criticism of you why don't you, you know, stop being a hypocrite, a liar, and an idiot? Instead of living in your fantasy world why don't you join the rest of us in reality and pull your head from your ass?

They won't though, not unless they're violently shaken out of it. They're like crack addicts, they're addicted to the fantasy world that they live in, that fantasy for most people is that they are morally superior to others. Show them their white pale lips or the tracks in their arms though and they go into a fit of denial, just like an addict. You need to wake up people, the fantasy land you live in of being in control and superior is destroying your lives, either through your inability to effectively fight those in the higher echelons of society who abuse this addiction or through your farcical idea that you are one of the higher echelons when you're not. You are no better than me, I am no better than you, and at the end of the fucking day we all end up in the same fucking place, six feet under. Deal with it and get over your bullshit notions of "respect."

Here are a few "attacks" of faux shepherd dogs which make them stand out.

Respect

They love talking about respect but don't let that fool you! What they mean by respect is appealing to their ego and making them happy. Just like in the 47 Ronin, Lord Asano's crime is not that he's wrong, it's that he refuses to bribe officials and ultimately attacks the most wicked of these officials Lord Kira for demanding that he pay his just dues with substantial bribes. Someone who's truly without ego and a free thinker has no qualms with someone being straight forward, call him an idiot and it matters not to him, if it's justified he can see it, if it's not then he knows that person's clueless. They also demand respect for their accolades, you will commonly hear among them "I'm older and thus wiser than you" or "I've got a college degree" or "I've retired young" as if any of that shit matters about the substance of their argument when it doesn't. Point of fact it's nothing more than a last resort for a bad argument, they can't beat your argument so they try to pull rank and discredit you not by logic or facts but by your accolades or lack there of. There was a judge in North Carolina who once said "You're obviously not that good of a lawyer if I have to look at a piece of paper on your wall that says you're a lawyer." The same applies for "smart" people, if you need to see a piece of paper that says someone's smart, they're not, it just means they shelled out the cash and time for a piece of paper that says they're smart. Case in point, Dubya's got a piece of paper from Yale, think he's smart? Don't misunderestimate him now.

"You're a disruption!"

There are few cases when this is ok, specifically when someone has infiltrated a private group which has an express purpose and the infiltrator keeps them from being able to do their work. That's a legitimate case for calling someone a disruption and being angry about it. Most cases aren't like this though, usually it's someone who comes into a group and doesn't tow the standard line of thought. Remember, sheep hate confrontation and having to actually think, they just like bahing to and fawning over themselves, anyone who disrupts this is evil and must be killed. They'll tolerate it for awhile but ask too many questions, challenge too many ideas and they'll turn in a second to rip your nose off. This has happened before in America on a large scale. "Hey what if our capitalist system is flawed?" "What are you, a commie?" Nowadays though it's, if you're a left winger, "What are you, a right wing operative?" Yes, I'm a right wing operative because I don't agree with you completely or see a problem with your suggestion, you got me, way to go, because a right winger wouldn't be smart enough to meld in among us without questioning some things, wrong! Any smart operative will get in and then take everything to the extreme to make the rest of the flock look like radical kooks. A wolf in sheep's clothing doesn't let you know he's a wolf by biting you while you're looking at him.

Black and White Straw-Men

First, read this. Sheep love straw-men, straw-men allow sheep to work within the frames that they understand. Don't agree with the way they treat Christians, hey you must be a Christian too so they're going to try and debunk Christianity now and claim they know more than you, because hey, you're a Christian, even though you know you're not and have said as much. Or say you're pro-military, well that MUST mean you agree with the Iraq war, I mean how can you be pro-military and not agree with all wars all the time? You're either with them or against them, and nothing in between!

Ego

Oh how they love talking about ego, remember these are the same people who want you to respect their accolades and age, yet they love making the claim that someone's behavior is based completely on ego. Someone get us a medium, like John Edwards, so we can talk to Freud and ease his spirit, he's gotta be tired doing so many laps in his grave. If there was ever a case of projection, this is it. They'll say with a straight face "Well why are you defending yourself then if not because of ego?" Uhh because it's wrong and you're misrepresenting my positions? Did that ever cross your mind prick? I don't really care if I'm legitimately wrong about something, and I'll admit to it, but don't misrepresent me and expect me to just sit back and take it. It's funny because no doubt someone will read this and say "Yeah but that's ego" and then turn around and whine about Karl Rove saying all liberals wanted to give therapy to the terrorists after 9/11. It's not ego, it's correcting a bald faced lie.

So how'd you do? Do you use all of those tactics or just some of them? Well don't fret if you do, because you can always, you know, STOP.

It's been said that you're not supposed to criticize your allies, the right wingers have said it many times in their attacks against France and Germany for not going along with the US in the Iraq quagmire. The conservatives proceeded to give us ideas like "Freedom Fries," "Old Europe," and sending the Statue of Liberty back to the French due to this. The message they want to send being "Don't question us, just do as we say, and ignore anything we do wrong." Or how about something more recent, like Amnesty International finding that the US government has a number of human rights violations going on at Gitmo? The government and right wing response being "How dare you, you're hurting America by pointing this out!" You'll hear liberals applaud France, Germany, other countries, and international organizations for standing up to the US, and I agree with them, but what happens when you flip it on these so called liberals? "Don't question us, agree with us completely, and ignore anything we do wrong, why fight with your allies?" You know what, fuck that.

There's one thing I really dislike, and that's being a hypocrite, I go out of my way to not be one and I thought all leftists strove for the same thing. Jesus Christ was I naive. You see, up until recently I've always hung out on forums where it's been mostly rabid conservatives who I could argue with or moderate forums with every day people who have just a slight interest in politics (i.e. the people the left should be targeting), with one exception, my uncle's forums. On CG's forums we have a band of people interested in discussing the issues and dealing with the nuts and bolts of the country, and if it's your only dose of the left wing you don't appreciate just how abnormal it is from the rest of the left wing... Until you step outside into "leftist" forums.

I've been avoiding places like Democratic Underground and other left leaning forums simply because when I took a look when they first came onto the scene I didn't see a need to post. You see, I'm not a cheerleader, I don't back pat, and I don't reiterate what someone else has said so there's usually not a reason to post on said forums. There's only really been one person I've given a pat on the back for a job well done and that's PeaceTakesCourage, a 14-year old girl with a great sense on setting a mood through music and visuals, check out her flash animations at some point, they're haunting. She has a great talent and I encourage her and her mother to look into film school (they have them for high school students) as she could be a great asset to the left. Anywho, praise and agreement can be dangerous things when that's all you're exposed to in your online microcosm, they inflate egos making people easier to piss off simply through disagreement, they take it personal and believe you're attacking them.

In other words, too much exposure to praise and agreement can create a hive mind mentality within a group, and, just like with bees, if something's amiss in the hive it must be found and dealt with either through assimilation or destruction. Think of the Borg on Star Trek, they kill what won't join the Collective and assimilate what will, getting rid of all individuality and free thought which comes with it, i.e. sheep. Sheep in the back of the flock will follow the rest of the flock right off a cliff so they simply won't be alone. Most people are sheep, doesn't matter if they're left wing or right wing, they're reactionary sheep.

On the flip side there are also shepherd dogs who tell the flock of sheep what to do, some times they bark and some times they take nips at the sheeps' feet to get them to move. The dogs are the leaders of the flock, and they don't care what the sheep think about them just as long as the sheep do as they say, the problem with shepherd dogs though is if you have a bad one they'll lead the flock right off a cliff (Dubya and right wing pundits anyone?). In this case shepherds will shoot the dog in question so it can't hurt his sheep and hurt his profits any longer (big business? Watch out Dubya). Good shepherd dogs though will get the sheep to do what they need to do efficiently and keep the sheep alive and happy (FDR?).

Now here's the problem with the liberal flock, they think they're shepherd dogs, they even wear little doggy outfits and yip rather than bah, but the one thing they can't hide is their mentality. "Hey look out, you're heading for a cliff you fools!" "No we're not! And don't call us fools, we're just like y---AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Too late. If you're truly a shepherd dog you don't have qualms about disrupting the flock from time to time because some times you have to to stop them from running off a cliff. It's easy to spot a faux dog, they usually hate individuality and the disruption of the flock mentality. If you happen to be an honest straight forward individual who disrupts the flock, the rams come out and start head butting you, if that doesn't work they get the shepherd to deal with you.

So who are the most effective shepherd dogs? The same people who everyone bitches about, politicians. They're manipulative and have to be, they know honesty doesn't work because if you're honest the flock will get pissed off with you. Why do the elites think so little of the common man, because the common man's an idiot who likes being lied to and having his ego stroked. He doesn't mind either that you have a knife right below his throat, just keep telling him how nice and cute and smart he is. By the time he realizes he's in danger his throat has already been slit from ear to ear and no matter how much he clings to his neck the blood won't stop and he's dead in a matter of seconds. A dog though, will see the door to the slaughterhouse and start fighting no matter what the shepherd says.

So what are you, sheep or dog?

Oh one more thing, just because you lock horns with a different flock of sheep from time to time doesn't mean you're not a sheep, you're just a different type arguing over who's coat is cuter, horns bigger, and hooves cleaner.