| I'm tired of war I'm tired of peace I'm tired of hypocrisy I'm tired of clarity I'm tired of fear I'm tired of courage I'm tired of doubt I'm tired of hope I'm tired of narcissism I'm tired of selflessness I'm tired of lies I'm tired of truth I'm tired of hate I'm tired of love I'm tired of poverty I'm tired of wealth I'm tired of evil I'm tired of good I'm tired of ignorance I'm tired of enlightenment I'm tired of extremitiy I'm tired of balance
I'm tired of not being able to say what I feel all in the name of "respect." I'm tired of people who preach free speech only to turn around and stop you from saying what you want to say because it's "rude." I'm tired of people who preach nothing but personal responsibility as if the person doing the damage has no responsibility for the damage they have done. I'm tired of people who preach the opposite and expect the government to do everything for them and protect them from everything. I'm tired of liberals and I'm tired of conservatives. I'm tired of greens and libertarians and independents and communists and anarchists and fascists. I'm tired of fundamentalists, be they Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Jewish, Hindu, or atheist. I'm tired of overly macho straight men and flamboyant gay men/women. I'm tired of preps and goths. I'm tired of trying to impress people. I'm tired of expectation. I'm so FUCKING tired of it all. I'm tired of being angry at stupidity and hypocrisy. I'm tired of pitying the disadvantaged. I'm tired of hating the super wealthy. I'm tired of having my hopes lifted only to be broken. I'm tired of my heart breaking.
The world is one big hypocrisy, the only peace, the only thing that makes sense, the only thing that won't make you rip your hair out is fantasy. The hope that there's something better out there, that eventually all of the confusion, all of the conflict will at some point end. This is the fantasy, this is the thing we all delude ourselves with. Whether you believe it can be found in the afterlife or some future generation of the world, we all believe in this fantasy. We believe it to deal with our own mortality, to believe that our life is not a waste, to believe that we are nothing more than a passing fart on the threads of time. We have very little time and we spend most of it making other people miserable to help alleviate our own pains of knowing that one day we will be dead and that's it.
My uncle likes pointing out a little seemingly contradictory part in the Bible to make Christians spin their wheels. He says "What does God say to Eve about the tree of knowledge? He says not to eat from it or she will surely die. Now what does Satan/the serpent say? He says she will gain the knowledge of good and evil and become more like God. Eve didn't die did she, so who told the truth?" My uncle says this is a contradiction, and at first you'd think so but now I don't agree, I think both God and Satan are right. We did gain the knowledge of good and evil, and this knowledge has killed us. Not physically but spiritually, it has poisoned our souls, it has made us hollow shells of vileness. You either ignore it living in the fantasy of there being something better out there or you deal with it head on and let it drive you insane, either way your soul is dead. Fucked if you do, fucked if you don't.
This is the curse that our deities and nature have bestowed on us, as well as our gift. We are able to see the beauty of the mundane, we are able to appreciate it now more fully because of our short lives, but we choose not to. We choose not to love and to be rational, we choose to fight, to always struggle, to keep our fantasy of the "perfect world" instead of enjoying the world we live in now.
I'm tired of fantasy, it only brings about destruction. |